Sam P.

I was driving around southern Wisconsin with the exquisite Gina S., the GPS map turned off. We stumbled upon a parking site that had a sign thanking the fine people who have bought hunting licenses and supplies to finance this spot. Under the sign was a deer hoof, cleanly cut and still attached to part of the leg. Our walk was lovely and full of much needed sunshine and fresh fresh air. We suprised a pheasant, heard something we are sure was a monkey, and even think we found a dead pirahna in the creek right by an ancient cast iron tube that helped channel water and make a bridge. Much care was taken to avoid the giant alien spores that, when poked with stick, released with a squeak a fine smoky mist of what we are sure are mind distorting / genetic code transforming spores. In fact, as of now I am not sure if we ever left the woods. We may be slowly being digested underground by a giant fungus, and all I am experiencing is a hallucination to ease me into an slimy fate and our skeletons will one day be unearthed by a pair of FBI agents. How else to explain driving through the, dreamy, lovely town of Stoughton, deciding to park, and then deciding to get some beer at a place called The Never Mind. Besides the bartender, we were the youngest ones in there. Awesome. We were looking for a space at the bar to sit when a couple of fine gentlemen offered us there seats as they left. It's real wood you sidle up to at this place, and the back bar is too. You get spoiled with the old Chicago wooden bars at places we like to go to here. Budweiser on tap is $1 a mug. 1$. Awesome. The sun was setting and giving us a great light inside. The 6 of spades was taped to the wall behind the bar. The dart (well saf-t dart) board was ready for you to thrum darts over the heads of the ladies on the stools in front of the video poker screens. We spoke with the big farmer on my right who had his land 6 miles out of town, 11 kids, and a RN as a wife. He had been on the stool all day and we struck up a little conversation. The people here are definitely locals and regulars. Very welcoming though, because it has a University of Wisconsin campus there so they are I'm sure used to having us out of towners show up. Especially us FISH from Chicago. We stayed for a couple of beers, spending less than $10. We hadn't eaten since our brunch so it wasn't taking much to give us a buzz. Little did we know what we had waiting across the street at The Whatever bar. 4 stars because they were definitely happier to see Gina S. than me at this bar. An old guy gave her a hug that went a moment too long. I kept my cool. And this is also the type of place that would warn you to stay off the moors, or the giant would appear and tell you it's happening again. And that's kinda scary. Still I can't wait to go back. I hope the underground fungus hallucination takes me back there soon!